Essential ,Necessary, Nice-to-do

Well here we are January 1st 2012. 2011 was a great year, so many great things happened. But 2012 I know is going to be quite a year. We just bought a new house (yes it happened towards the end of 2011) but its challenges will be faced head on in 2012 and we are going to be having our first baby in 2012. Yes that may be only 2 things but when I think about it those are just about the 2 biggest things I can think of at this moment. Along with these two very wonderful things I know will come it's challenges. When I lay down at night I begin to think about those challenges that we may face. And it gets overwhelming to me sometimes. There are so many things that I want to be doing differently now that we are at a new chapter in our lives. Some of those things may be just for me, some are for our family, some are just for Rayni Lou, and some are for our new home. I seem to take on a lot and look at the entire picture or try to eat the elephant in one but bite, but really what I need to be doing it prioritizing and taking it one step at a time. All the things I want to change and be doing are great and wonderful things but I am not super woman or soon to be super mom. I can't change everything all at once, even though I may want to. There are important things and there are things that can wait.
Starting a new year everyone seems to have on their minds New Year Resolutions. I have been thinking about this for the past couple of days and again I was thinking of everything I was going to change all at once. Because we moved we have started going to a new ward. Today was our first day and it was GREAT! we felt so welcomed and at home. In Relief Society the sister that gave the talk referenced a talk just a little but it was something that really stuck with me and made me want to look more into the talk. Since church I have been thinking about it and not able to get it out of my mind. So here I am at 10:00 and I looked it up. Read it and loved it! It was exactly what I needed to read in order to help me prioritize and talk small bites at a time.
The talk was given at the BYU Women's Conference in 2010 by Julie Beck. Here is the link if you would like to read the entire talk:

http://lds.org/library/display/0,4945,9118-1-5187-1,00.html

This is the part that I took out of it that I needed: (My notes are in red)

"I have said lately that women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. (I want to make sure that the things that matter to me happen! I have noticed that if I really want something to happen and I put forth the effort it seems to happen) She guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her. For example, if the lioness at the gate believes in the law of tithing, tithing will be paid in that family. If that family has a humble little portion of ten pesos coming in, that lioness will safeguard the one peso if tithing is important to her. If that lioness at the gate knows about renewing her baptismal covenants with God, she will be in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and she will prepare her children to be there. They will be washed, cleaned, combed, and taught about that meeting and what happens there. It isn’t a casual event, but it is serious to her, and it will be serious to them. The lioness at the gate ensures that temple worship is taken care of in the family. She encourages that participation. She cares about seeking after her ancestors. If the lioness at the gate knows about and understands missions, missionaries, and the mission of the house of Israel, she will prepare future missionaries to go out from that home. It is very difficult to get a lion cub away from a lioness who doesn’t believe in missions, but if the lioness believes in a mission, she will devote her life to preparing the cub to go out and serve the Lord. That’s how important she is. Service happens if she cares about it.
Sisters, you are each like the lioness at the gate. This means that there has to be some prioritizing. I was taught years ago that when our priorities are out of order, we lose power. If we need power and influence to carry out our mission, then our priorities have to be straight.

Years ago I began using a system that works for me, and maybe it will work for you. There was a time when I needed to prioritize, and in one of those sacred meetings between me and the Lord, He gave me three categories that I have worked from, and they have been a guide in my life. The categories are the essential things, the necessary things, and the nice-to-do things. I started writing those things down. I asked, “What has to go in the category of essential?” What things must be taken care of, and if I don’t take care of them, the blessings of eternal life won’t be mine nor will they be my family’s.
I wrote at the top of the essential list revelation. I have to be able to know the mind and will of God. Therefore, I have to do the things in my life that put me in a position to hear His voice. Reading the scriptures then became an essential for me because the scriptures contain the mind and will of God, and by reading and studying from them, I can hear His voice and receive His guidance in all aspects of my life. I came up with a simple rule that was easy for me to keep: Every day I will spend some time in the scriptures. The accumulative power and learning of that commitment has changed my life and helped me learn daily the mind and will of God.
Personal prayer took on new meaning when I knew that I needed to know the mind and will of God. I have taken a paper and pencil with me most of the time since then to my prayers. (I love this Idea. I remember a young women's lesson I had once that talked about how we may be great at saying our prayers every day. But how often after our prayers do we stay knealing and just listen. I remember thinking how powerful that was. I would just always pop up after a prayer. They likened that to calling someone and then as soon as you are done talking you just hang up. You don't even wait for the other person to respond. I think it is a great idea to be taking on a challenge that our new stake president encouraged and that is to keep a little notebook with us at all times and anytime we receive some sort of revelation or have a neat experience we take the time to write it down. I have so many amazing things that have happened to me in my life but when I go back and think about them or try to tell someone some of the important details are lost and sometimes that can be the most important thing that we learned. So I want to take the time to slow down listen and write what I learn, hear, and experience) With a piece of paper I write down how we feel or any revelation we may receive after a prayer or any time for that matter. One thing I would like to start doing this year is I don’t always receive an answer or instruction, but I am ready. I want to be ready to learn what the Lord would have me do in my day. Who needs my help? How can I increase my faith this day? How can I strengthen my family? What things do I need to correct in order to be worthy to receive His Spirit? He will tell me.
Taking time to ponder and fast with sincerity took on added meaning when I knew that revelation was an essential for me. Making covenants and keeping covenants is on the essential list. Going to sacrament meeting and repenting every week took on added meaning. Going to the temple and fulfilling that responsibility frequently became an essential. Sharing the gospel is something the Lord tells us is an essential, and we are charged as part of the house of Israel to share that message. I need to open my mouth and find ways to share and express my testimony. Service took on added meaning. The Lord said if you want eternal life, give all that you have and follow me.4 So those things went on my essentials list. The list wasn’t very long, but there were essential things that I could see to and make sure that they were taken care of.

On my necessary list, then, went some other things. I started thinking about my home and family and what was necessary to create an environment or climate where the Spirit of the Lord would be. There were some necessary things to take care of. (Also at church today I read the Relief Society newsletter... which I don't often do. And I read a quote that really hit home for me. As mentioned before because we are starting a new chapter in our lives with a new home and a new baby there are a lot of things that I want us to be doing better. When I read this quote it made sense to me of just how I can do that and not be overwhelmed: May our families and homes be filled with love: Love of eachother, love of the gospel, love our fellowman, and love our Savior. As a result, heaven will be a little closer here on Earth... May our homes be havens of peace, of love, and of spirituality. President Thomas S. Monson. After reading this quote to me hubbie we decided that this was going to be our Family Resolution for this year. We were going to make our house a home under these guidelines. It made it more simpler for me in just how I was going to do all the things I wanted us to be doing.) Homemaking took on a new meaning for me. I wanted to make a home where the Spirit of the Lord was present. That meant that even mundane tasks like picking things up and cleaning, became necessary to keep a house of order. I wanted to model my house after the temple. Though that is the ideal, it has never been that perfect. We have to live there after all. A house is peopled with people. People make messes, and we can’t be little soldiers, but it made a difference to me to know that I wanted a house of order. It became a priority to make a place where the Spirit of the Lord could come. (At the house we were first at for the first 5 years of our marriage I will be honest and say that I was lazy... it was sad that I was embarrassed for people to come over. I didn't want people to come, but yet I never did anything to change that. I have such a good example in my life of keeping a clean and comfortable home and that is my mother. It wasn't something that I loved growing up and sometimes I still shake my head at her in how "clean freakish" she can get. But she was teaching me how to make a house a home. I didn't do that in my last house. This is something that I wanted done differently in this one. And keeping it clean and orderly was something that I wanted to accomplish... I am no longer taking the lazy way out. I can say that I have become my mother:) but I think that that is a compliment! My hubbie chuckles and me saying our first house was a house and this is our home... he said to me today, "I will meet you at OUR HOME" I loved how it sounded, even though he was making fun of me.)
Cooking meals for my family took on added meaning because I needed a place to teach and gather and have the Lord’s Spirit there. It was important to invest my effort in making a home.
At one time I was going through some challenges, and one of my daughters came home from school and put another item on my necessary list. I said, “I don’t feel like I’m contributing what I should or what I could,” and she said, “You could smile. Mother, you could smile.” I thought, “That is a great service.” Smiling took on added meaning for me. Being happy around my family and other people was necessary. (I love this... sometimes all you can do is just smile. I want to be more smiley)
I learned some things from the scriptures—that it is necessary to teach my children to pray and walk uprightly before the Lord. Things like family home evening and time recreating with our family became more necessary and more important. I thought more about my husband and supporting him, and I studied Doctrine and Covenants section 25, in which the Lord tells Emma Smith to be a comfort to her husband with consoling words and a spirit of meekness.5 That took on more importance, and it was more necessary to me to be kind to my husband and to support him in his heavy responsibilities. (As most of you know I am not a shy person. Well my hubbie and I are complete opposites when it comes to this. He is very much on the shyer side of things and that is ok. We have talked about this a lot in many circumstances and experiences we have had. And sometimes it gets frustrating that it is more difficult for my hubbie to do because of his personality and being shy. He says to me a lot, "it is so easy for you" Which he is right it does come more easy for me to do some things. So I need to be more kind and supportive of the man that he is and not think of what he should be. I chose him as my eternal companion and that means that I chose all of him. Being more kind and supportive of my hubbie is another resolution) I also learned from that section in verse 10 to “lay aside the things of [the] world, and seek for the things of a better,” to not ask him to provide things for me we couldn’t afford but value the things that were important for our family—to “seek for the things of a better” and not be tantalized by “the things of the world” that were glamorous. Becoming self-reliant became more important to me.
Loving one another goes on the necessary list and a few other things. You can make your own list of what is necessary, but there are things that are essential and things that are necessary in order for us to fulfill our responsibilities in the house of Israel and to fulfill our mission.

The third category has to do with the nice-to-do things. Those are crafts and hobbies and recreational reading and movies and travel and lunches with friends. A lot of women call this “time out.” These things won’t save us. They add variety to our lives, but they won’t save us. When our priorities are on that list, and our time is devoted to those nice-to-do things, our priorities are out of order, and we lose power.
To walk with the Lord, we have to know what is essential, what is necessary, and what is nice to do. There is a lot to do, but I find that it is amazing how much I get to do on my nice-to-do list. (Heavenly Father has blessed us with talents. And some of those talents are just things that we enjoy doing. I love to do crafts but I find it hard to find the time. I have been putting forth more of an effort to take time for myself and do the things that I love to do. When I do the things that are Essential and Necessary first I seem to find the time to be able to do what is fun.) The Lord blesses us with those mercies, but only if the other priorities are in order.

In order to prioritize time wisely, I learned something from my father-in-law years ago. He was a steel-worker and spent his life working three different shifts. He either worked the day shift, the afternoon shift, or the night shift. As a young mother I realized one time that I was working all three shifts, and that’s why I was so tired. We can’t do all things all at once, and we have to be careful and safeguard our shifts.
As I have talked to young mothers and mothers with children at home—those with teenagers and young adults especially—they tell me that their most important shift to be at the top of their game, to be the strongest lioness at the gate is the “swing shift.” That’s the afternoon shift. That’s when everyone comes home hungry, tired, needy, and less lovable. It is when you are hungry, tired, needy, and less loveable. (This is so true!) It is also the time of day when people are more teachable, when they are most grateful. When we realize and prioritize our time properly, we don’t expect to use all of our strength on the other two shifts so that the afternoon shift can be safeguarded and can be a time of strength and power. We plan for times when the meals are there together, when we can create that home environment and when that family can gather, and you are the strengthening power and force in that family. Remember that influence and power come when we prioritize correctly. If you spend time elsewhere, you don’t have it to give. For other women it might be another time of the day. Some of us have to be on call during the day shift. There are many who need help during the day. Service is needed during the day, but look at and evaluate your life. Ask “Where do I need to prioritize my time?” and “When do I have to be at the top of my game?” I have learned that a good woman with the help of the Lord can usually work two to two and a half shifts. However, no one can work all three shifts. You have to prioritize where you are going to spend your energy."

Isn't that such a great part of a talk! I just love it. And I really want to do it! In an upcoming post I think that I will post my list of things for essential, necessary, and nice-to-do. I love lists! and instead of this list being one that I cross stuff off after they are accomplished, it will be a list that I will try to work on my entire life and will add to it.

But on this post I would like to add a few of my resolutions for the year (in no order of importance):

1. Gain a stronger testimony
2. Build a strong relationship with my Father in Heaven and Savior
3. Be the best wife I can be
4. Be the best mommy I can be
5. Read the scriptures all the way through for myself and testimony
6. Go to the temple at least once a month
7. Make my house a home
8. Carry a notebook around for my revelations, thoughts, and experiences
9. Help my family live up to our family resolution
10. Make my bed every morning
11. Be the best teacher I can be
12. Have the light of the savior shine through me by being the best daughter of God I can be!

It is going to be one great year!