I could not be more excited to do this post. Sunday was a very special day for me! it was my very first Mother's day being a Mama! last year on mother's day it was right in the middle of us trying to get pregnant. I remember sitting in sacrament meeting and it was towards the end when my tears started flowing after holding them in all day. I felt silly and was trying to hide my emotions but my Hubbie knows me best. He gave me his shoulder to cry on and wrapped his arm around me. I felt silly when the young women handed me a flower because I didn't feel 'worthy' of one. I wasn't a mommy yet. Well to my surprise I found out just a few days after mother's day that I was pregnant. So on mother's day I truly was a mom:) of course we were still hesitant because of our record in the past with getting pregnant. But it was still the best feeling to know that maybe... Just maybe I get to be a mom this time around!
Well our day began and my hubbie and I were getting ready in our bedroom while Rayni was laying on the floor watching us ever so intently. I was starring at her at one point and was thinking about my Mother's day experience last year. Right at that same moment Zach asked me, "Do you remember last year?" I looked up at him and shook my head yes. I then told him that it was funny he said that right at that moment because I was just thinking about it. "I can't believe that we have come so far from that day! Look at what we have!!!" Couldn't have been more grateful than I was at that moment.
Our day was full of fun with the Family. Breakfast at the in-laws and sacrament meeting. Lunch at Grandma Wangsgaard's, and then off to my Parent's to wait to Skype with Uncle Bubba! First time ever that he got to see Rayni (besides pics) Her face was the first thing that he saw when we appeared on his screen. It was so fun for her and him to be able to see each other. Can't wait till it is in person!
I also had the not so fun experience of feeling so helpless for my Rayni. She was exhausted from the day and is starting to get her bottom fang teeth. By the time we were heading home after a long day she was SCREAMING in the back seat. On the way to my parent's house she was also very upset and it made it more difficult to see her face so I decided that on the way home I wasn't going to sit back there because her face killed me. But instead I sat in the front seat with tears pouring down my face because I wanted so badly to take her pain away from her. It was killing me!!! All I could do was hold my hand back there and let her squeeze it for dear life like she was. I wanted so badly to hold her but knew that if we stopped and I got her out it would make it worse putting her back in. So we just held each other's hand and cried together. As soon as we got home it was out of the carseat as quick as a blink and in my arms. She laid her head on my shoulder with her little whimpers and it felt so good to comfort her! This made me think about how our Heavenly father must feel when we are in pain. I'm sure he wishes so badly that he could take it from us but sometimes there are things that we just need to go through to come out stronger on the other side. And what a blessing it is to have our brother and Savior know how we feel when we are going through pain and trials.
There have been times that I have gotten frustrated with trying to balance and juggle all that life has handed to us, not sure if I am doing a good job, doing what I am supposed to be doing,or doing enough of what I should be doing. My hands at times shake with unsurity and doubt. raising one of Heavenly Father's children and being held responsible for her life is a scary thought. And that is when I find myself praying for my Heavenly Father's help!
I read this quote on my friend's page who is a mother of 4 sweet babies... 3 of which are triplets. I often think of her and think that if she can do it then I can too. Jess you are an inspiration to me!
Remember, remember all the days of your motherhood: “Ye have not come
thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him,
relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.” Rely on
Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a
steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” You are
doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you
and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your
nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously,
meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her
way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so
Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep
over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy
faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as
well". ~Jeffery R. Holland
After getting Rayni comforted, in her PJs, fed, and all swaddled up for bed I sat there with her in my arms while rocking her, singing to her, and kissing her as many times as I could while she looked up at me with her big blue eyes with the biggest smile on her face. The tears once again came pouring down my face like they had a year ago. But this time it was with more joy that I thought was impossible to feel. We sat there and just looked at eachother for the longest time... I couldn't put her down. I just was loving that feeling and loving her so much!!! I am truly blessed to be given the opportunity to be a mom! There is no greater calling for me than to be given the chance to raise this precious angel. She truly is the light of my life!!!
Now I can't talk about Mother's day without mentioning my angel mother! My mama is such an example to me. She has taught me how to love, forgive, be a mom, be a homemaker, be happy, and to have a testimony. Without my mom my family would not be... not only for her sacrifice of having/raising my brother's and I but for her willingness to forgive when no one expected her to. She has been the glue and the example to not only my family but to everyone around her. She truly is an angel sent from above and without her I don't know where I would be today! I know that up in Heaven there was not a second thought or an ounce of hesitation when I chose her to be my mother. I'm sure she was my best friend in Heaven and I couldn't bare the thought of being without her. I am blessed to be in her presence! Thank you mom for being the AMAZING WOMAN and MOTHER that you are!
There are so many other amazing Mother examples in my life. Thank you all for your love and support! Under 'mother' in the dictionary you would all be there!
My Beautiful Grammy! This woman is amazing! She is always there for me when I need to talk to someone! She is everyone's best friend!!!
This is my Grandma Wangsgaard... the mom of 9! She is one strong and amazing person!
This amazing woman helped raise me and taught me so much! She babysat me since I was 6 weeks old and is still apart of my life! I love my Helen!
Can not say enough good things about this lady here! She has been to Hell in a hand basket several times and has always com back on top! Such an inspiration to me. She makes me want to be a better person. My sweet sister Amy
This is my sweet mother in law. She is always so kind and makes sure that everyone is taken care of before she even starts thinking of herself.
These two girls (the one above and the one below) Are my connected at the hip best friends/cousins/sisters! I love these girls. Kenna (above) Is a mother and is such an inspiration of a loving and compassionate mom. Mal (below) is not a mother yet. But She will be an amazing one one day:)
My sister Andee. This woman has also been through a lot but is still always mindful of others. Made a long last minute trip down to see my Rayni be born.
As you can see I am surrounded by wonderful women. I have truley been blessed! So many great examples, love and support! Thanks to all of you for being who you are!
