Yesterday was the day that I had been dreading for 6 weeks. My first day back to work! I have spent 24/7 with my little side kick and couldn't imagine anything different. Well reality kicked in yesterday and back to work it was. I didn't think that it would be so difficult. Just because it was a bit of the norm for me. My mom was a working mom and I went to a wonderful babysitter from the time that I was 6 weeks old till I was a teen (because I never wanted to leave... home was boring) I survived and learned things there that I probably never would have learned anywhere else. I wished that I could have taken Rayni to Helen but she no longer watches kids. She is still apart of my life and I joke with her telling her that she is going to just watch Rayni. I wanted Rayni to have the same experience that I did. Putting complete trust in someone to watch the very thing that means the most to me, next to my hubbie, is and was a scary thought to me. We were lucky and had some friends that had a great babysitter and suggested we go to her. I went and met her and felt very good! we set everything up so that Rayni would be going there monday-friday while I was at work. Well 6 weeks went by so fast and I did not feel prepared at all for what it was that I was heading for. The night before I was getting everyhting ready to go. I held Rayni before she went down and she was so happy and smily. Just her smile and giggles were making me cry. I didn't want to miss a minute of it. After I put her down and finished getting things ready I went to bed, but by the time my head hit the pillow I knew I would not be going to bed anytime soon. I had a billion things running through my head that included work things and Rayni things. About an hour later Rayni woke up to eat and I couldn't have been happier to get up with her. I wanted to hold her for as long as I could before I had to let her go the next day. I sat there and just stared at her and soaked in everything I could. Eventually I had to put her down and try to get some sleep myself.
The next mroning began at 5:40. I got ready before I had to get her up and ready. Got her up at 6 fed and dressed her. I then finished getting ready and ate and off we went. I had been holding in tears all morning and on the way there the eyes got teary. But they didn't flow till I handed her over. The sitter was so sweet. And I knew I had nothing to worry about. I would just miss that little thing to pieces. I cried all the way to work! It was silly. I kept watching the clock but surprisingly the day went by fast. at 3:50 I was in my car. I couldn't get there fast enough. When I walked in and saw her all cuddled up on the sitters lap I knew that she was happy and because she was happy I was happy. Our reunion was sweet and when we got home she was all smiles and full of chatter telling me all about her day. I was lucky to be able to have 6 uninterrupted weeks with my girl. And now I know that reality has to happen but she is safe and happy and that is all that matters!
The next mroning began at 5:40. I got ready before I had to get her up and ready. Got her up at 6 fed and dressed her. I then finished getting ready and ate and off we went. I had been holding in tears all morning and on the way there the eyes got teary. But they didn't flow till I handed her over. The sitter was so sweet. And I knew I had nothing to worry about. I would just miss that little thing to pieces. I cried all the way to work! It was silly. I kept watching the clock but surprisingly the day went by fast. at 3:50 I was in my car. I couldn't get there fast enough. When I walked in and saw her all cuddled up on the sitters lap I knew that she was happy and because she was happy I was happy. Our reunion was sweet and when we got home she was all smiles and full of chatter telling me all about her day. I was lucky to be able to have 6 uninterrupted weeks with my girl. And now I know that reality has to happen but she is safe and happy and that is all that matters!
1 comments:
Oh honey this is always the hardest the first time you have to do it. It gets easier I promise!! You do have a wonderful "Grandma Teresa" and we miss her so much! That's a huge comfort though I'm sure. It's easier to leave her with people that can feel like family and pretty soon they will feel like extra family to her. This is going to sound harsh, but I remember eventually what I had to do with Kayson was say goodbye really quick and then leave. Even if they are crying. If you give in they just keep crying and it totally breaks your heart! But one of my sitters would say that about 10 seconds after I was gone they would chill out and be fine. That's just the part you don't see :) You're a great mom...you just have to do what you have to do!
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